Dear Help,
We will let you know when we post our response on the blog. In the meantime please know that there is help for you, you can do this. You deserve a better life and you can have it. You have to take the first step, It will be the hardest, but it will also open the door to the bright and beautiful future that is waiting for you.
Warm regards,
Julie
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Hi Help -
Oh dear. This is one of the toughest situations to be in. Your alcoholic boyfriend has moments of incredible sweetness I’ll bet. And he showers you with all you desire when he’s in a good place. And then the demons set in.
You are not alone. Millions of people are in your shoes. You may have some level of addiction to his problem. You feel “needed,” you have a soft heart and want to “fix him.’ or you believe some day, if only you can convince him – he will change.
Face it Darlin’ – he ain’t changing. Period. Not until HE wants to change. Not until HE figures out he NEEDS to change. Not until HE figures out there’s a better way to deal with his own troubles and addictions. Been in your shoes. Done that. Lost a brother to it.
What can you do? Go to Al Anon – and find a meeting near you. Today. Now. Right NOW. Have them help you get away from him. Have them show you the way to deal with your own anxieties and issues that keep you locked into him. If you aren’t willing to make that call, then you aren’t willing to fix this. Think of it this way: you are helping him by leaving. Occasionally people will wake up when they start losing people they love. Not always. But it may work with him. Or it may not.
More importantly — getting away from him is the first step in YOU determining why YOU want to do this to yourself. Life is precious. It moves by so quickly. There’s no medal for sticking by a guy who won’t help himself. You don’t get extra points in heaven. You aren’t looked upon by other people as a hero. Most of your friends secretly think you’re an idiot for standing by him.
Some alcoholics aren’t violent. Some become violent later in life. Some are downright dangerous. Don’t stick around to find out. YOU are important. YOUR LIFE is important. And YOU need to take care of you.
Sometimes unconditional love is better from a far…
You say “I am doing my best.” NO. YOU AREN’T. “Doing your best” would be getting the hell outta dodge. How long do you think you’ve got on this spinning blue planet? Good Lord. You say he is drinking more and getting worse? And you are still there? Get over yourself. You aren’t “doing something important by loving him no matter what.” Sometimes unconditional love is better from a far…
Again – get hold of a local Al Anon chapter. Go to an abused women’s shelter. Get away now. It won’t get any better. And we may be reading about you in the paper.
You are right — this isn’t the kind of letter we usually get. And we didn’t need to see his picture to tell you what to do. There are so many people out there in the world standing by to help you. Don’t wait another minute. Get going. Stop reading this and get going.
Please write us back from the shelter and tell us you are OK.
Take care,
Beth


















